Tag Archives: musings

Snack-happy Son Goes to Costco

“I’m off to Costco! Any requests?”  I shout from the  family room.
Thump-thump-thump. Footsteps tread down the stairs.
“I’m goin’ with you, mom,” teen son informs me.
My eyes narrow, instantly suspicious. “Why?”
“I’m hungry. There’s no food in this house!”


Definition for no food: lack of munchies, microwaveable  fast food, and/or cans of chili.
Note: Vegetables, fruit, pasta, rice, and frozen meat products are available in refrigerator/freezer.

I hand son the keys and tell him to drive. Mmmm…it  will be nice for someone to push the 2-ton cart and load the heavy boxes into the car’s trunk.

Warning: Do not take a hungry teenager to Costco! Especially a ravenous son!

Our Costco conversation:

“We need another one,”  he says, pointing to the 8-pack in my hand.
“I am not buying 20 dollars worth of canned chili!”
“It’s my daily snack!” he hoists three 8-packs into the cart. “How ’bout these?”

He pulls a 12-pack of over-priced vegetable & fruit individual serving-size smoothies from cold storage. “I take these to class! Sis drinks them too! We need 2 cases.” Into the cart they go. “I’m so glad I came. You never get the good stuff.”

Good stuff= over-priced processed food/drink.

The packages and multi-packs are stacked high in the cart. My inner calculator has long since crashed. (10…20…15…12…14…oh, forget it.)

Son at costcoAt the register, he gleefully sets the grub on the conveyor belt. “I’m starving! Can I stop at the food court for lunch?”

As if spending a zillion dollars on food wasn’t enough, we wheel the cart to the snack bar outside where he orders a gigantic sandwich.

The Good: He loaded and unloaded our haul. And put the food in the cupboards.

The Bad: He bought a calorie-laden smoothie for me. I had to drink it.

The Ugly: My pantry is filled with cans of chili.

Related Posts: Sequestration at my houseQueen of T.PWanted: Food FairyImpatient Me: Life in the Fast Lane; Mom’s Smoke Signals

Multi-tasking Flunky

Confessions of a Multi-tasking Flunky

Carpe latte3Life moves at warp speed. Multi-tasking skills are required to keep up with everything! Writing-Blogging-Teaching, the hours dash by in a frantic blur.

I try to multi-task, but end up making more work for myself.  Frequent do-overs are required, which is sooo not efficient! I can’t be the only one who fails at effective multi-tasking, right?

Here’s a quick list of dumb stuff I do while thinking-plotting-talking- writing-blogging- texting- posting-tweeting-creating.

  • Applying hand lotion before walking out the door–oops! Can’t turn the doorknob!
  • Not checking to see if reading glasses are in my purse before leaving the house—nah, I didn’t need to read anything today.
  • Putting a meal in the oven only to forget about it while completing other tasks. “What’s burning?” Aw, damn!
  • Never remembering if I closed the garage door and looping the neighborhood to find out.
  • Forgetting to include the email attachment before hitting SEND.
  • Leaving the grocery list at home. (A photographic memory would come in handy.)
  • Neglecting to hit SEND on a text, then wondering why the recipient didn’t reply.
  • Forgetting to gas the car after work, which means filling it at 6 am.
  • Asking someone a question and not listening to the answer.
  • Looking for reading glasses—that are on my head.
  • Taking leftovers home, shoving them in the fridge, and never eating them.
  • Writing to-do lists and promptly misplacing them.
  • Putting a load of clothes in the wash and leaving it there for days.
  • Misplacing the cell phone. I wonder if there is Clapper app I could install?
  • Neglecting to transfer the important items when changing my purse–like my house key.
  • Never tightening the lid on the water bottle. This is the most expensive misstep of all because the technology goes for a refreshing dip and Apple gets more of my money.

Hubby and kiddos could probably add a few others—and they tried—but my snippy-sassy reply just sent them running!

Related Posts: Random Realities

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Job Skills vs. Personality traits

3-1-penWhile perusing the web the other day, I found a FOX news article that listed the 10 job skills every employer wants. The list was sort of a no-brainer. But the list got me to thinking…

The skills deemed important are not exclusive to employees. These personalty traits are equally valuable for healthy relationships, as well!  EVERY ONE wants their significant other to possess these excellent characteristics.

Here’s the Employer Wish List and my ( slightly slanted) comments:

1. Shows commitment
  • I think it’s called a vow or something; rings and weddings are involved.
2. Wears many hats
  • Our significant others must be willing to perform many different duties. Hubby can cook and do laundry.  Wife can  pay someone to mow the lawn and buy new clothes.
3. Goes the extra mile
  • We expect our loves to swim through shark-infested waters for us or, at least, make a Starbucks run.
4. Decision-makers
  • Nobody–repeat–nobody can deal with chronic fence sitters. Of course, the flip side, are the horrors of marrying a tyrannical dictator.
5. Have passion or a sense of purpose
  • Passion is good, and, in general, people are more interesting to talk to when when they have a passion about something. For example, I’m passionate about novels: Hubby is passionate about sports. So we both nod our heads encouragingly when the other speaks, but don’t really pay much attention. ( joking)
6. Organized
  • This skill comes in handy during tax time and makes life easier on everyone–unless your significant other has OCD tendencies.
7. Dependable
  • Do NOT mistake un-dependability with spontaneity. The two traits are vastly different! And do not mistake dependability with boring!
8. Possesses effective communication skills
  • Because slamming doors, foul language, and baleful looks are sooooo sexy.
9. Conscientiousness
  • A tricky trait. Niceties done by rote or habit are not near as endearing as a considerate gesture.
10. Positive attitude
  • Except when the positive attitude is a substitute for reality.

What trait do you think is missing?  I think it’s creativity!

We need creativity at work to be innovative problems and we need creativity in relationships to….ummm… this is a PG blog…be innovative problem solvers!

Related Posts :On-line job applications; Wanted: Food Fairy; Are schools killing creativity

Prom Dress Poem

imagesIt’s the last prom dress I’ll ever buy. sniff sniff. And I’ve bought quite a few.


Shopping for a prom dress with mom is such a drag
nothin’ but hours of nag nag nag,
I need her to finance this wispy little dress
so I just smile real big and give her my best.
She stares at the beading, pulls, and yanks
claims this dress will break the bank.
She says it’s too loose and this one’s too tight
the gown never seems to fit just right.
I love it! I want it! Just buy it for me.
Instead I hug her and don’t disagree.


Shopping for a prom dress with my daughter is fun
from store to store we happily run.
Not one is perfect, not one meets my demands
cause doesn’t she know, I’m her biggest fan?
I show her the dress cleavage  test
and help find the one that makes her look the best.
I pull on the straps, tug at the seams
she’s so beautiful–she looks like a dream.
My little girl–all grown up
she doesn’t suspect I’m about to choke up.
And when she says she needs matching heels
she’s got no idea how sweet her appeal!


Prom gowns, dance dresses, the short and the long
 in a blink of an eye, those days are soon gone!
Maxi’s, chiffon, rhinestone, and mini’s
Was I ever that tiny, so young,and so skinny?


Related Links: Mom musings

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Lie Detector

lie detectorDid you hear about the Lynchburg, Virginia teacher who used a Smart Phone lie detector app to find out which of her 3rd graders stole some Valentine’s Day candy?

A lie detector app for your phone is only for F-U-N. Fun, people!  Real lie detectors are administered by trained professionals and, even then, the machine isn’t 100% accurate.

But what if there was an authentic app that really, really validated your suspicions that someone was lying to you? When might you use it? Any special people you might need to use it on?

I know precisely when I would pull out the Smart Phone and say, “Put your thumb on the screen!”

I would use the lie detector app after someone made the following statement:

  • 1. “You look great!”
  • 2. “I don’t have any homework.”
  • 3.”That shirt will go with everything.”
  • 4. “This is the lowest price we can give you.”
  • 5. “Oh, I’m sorry, we’re busy that day.”
  • 6. “Mom, if there were drugs and alcohol at the party, I would have left.”
  • 7. “It wasn’t my fault.”
  • 8. “We would have been on time but traffic was a nightmare.”
  • 9. “It’s very easy to assemble.”
  • 10. “The doctor will be with you shortly.”
  • 11. “I’ll have that paperwork for you tomorrow.”
  • 12. “I thought I paid that bill.”
  • 13. “I forgot.”
  • 14. “The green was really crowded today.”
  • 15. “No honey, these are not new shoes, you just never noticed them before.” ( oh,wait–I’m not going to use the app on myself!)

lie detector false readingOf course, maybe you don’t have to use a lie detector. Maybe your own powers of observation and intuition reveal when the kiddos or spouse are trying to pull one over on you.

I can tell when my children are lying–each have certain mannerisms, intonations etc that clue me in…but since they all read my blog I will not reveal my methods!!! ( Sorry, kids)

If you don’t have a lie detector handy, here are the real signs that someone is lying (works best if you know the person):

  • Higher pitched voice
  • Clearing throat,  umms, hesitations
  • A pronounced lilt at the end of the sentence
  • Shorter replies
  • Changing tenses, repeating oneself
  • Using words like everyone, everybody, always, never ( used by teens everywhere!)
  • Increased swallowing
  • Perspiration on upper lip
  • Colloidal artery throbbing (in the neck)
  • Blinking more than usual
  • Putting hands/fingers to one’s mouth
  • Touching one’s nose
  • Either an increase or decrease in body movements
  • Saying yes but shaking head no, and visa a versa (words don’t match gestures)
  • Either increased or decreased eye contact ( some people think if they stare  you will mistake this for honesty—it’s usually a ploy or an intimidation tactic)
  • Doing something distracting to buy more time while they think of a response ( cough, look at phone, pet the dog)

For a laugh, check out Jimmy Kimmel: Lie Detector video.


Related Posts: Body language: 20 signs you’re an Adult



Mom’s Smoke Signals

smokeConclave! Catholic Cardinals from around the globe are sequestered in a room until they decide on the next pope.  And how do they communicate their decision to the world? Everyone knows the answer! Black smoke means no pope chosen. White means “we have a pope.”

An effective method, yes? Antiquated, but efficient. Evident to everyone watching! Well, that got me to thinking…

Moms are responsible for many, many  decisions; our minds a tangle of stuff to worry and obsess over. What if moms used smoke signals to communicate to the outside world what was going on inside the house or inside their head? It might prevent a whole heap of trouble. Children would instantly know the mental state of mom. Hubby would understand what was in-store for him before he walked through the door.

Here’s my  list of smoke colors and their indications.

Black: Mom’s in a bad mood. Enter at your own risk. Do not–repeat–do not ask “What’s for dinner?”

White: Mom is feeling benevolent and at peace with the world. Maybe, she even baked cookies!

Blue: Mom is sad and needs a hug. A cup of tea might be nice, too.

Red: Enter at your own risk! Somebody did something or something happened to incur mom’s wrath.

Burgundy: Mom needs wine! Hubby should turn around and drive to store immediately! Chocolate makes a tasty accompaniment.

Pink: Mom feels pretty ( perhaps a visit to the salon or a new purchase is involved). Notice and compliment mom’s new hair/clothes/make-up.

Yellow: Like the biblical Judas Iscariot who is described as wearing a yellow cloak, someone is in deep doo-doo. If you suspect it might be you, confess immediately!

Brown: Dinner is burnt to a crispy crunch because mom was too busy writing her novel to notice the smell.

Green: Mom needs house or yard work done ASAP (lawn maintenance, rooms cleaned, trash out).  Be prepared for chores!

What if you don’t have a chimney or the chimney has never been used? No problem! Either send a text message or a picture of the color!

Smoke signals…good for mom…beneficial for the whole family!

Do you have any suggetions for colored smoke signals??

Related Posts: Sequestration at my house; Queen of T.P; Wanted: Food FairyImpatient Me: Life in the Fast Lane



History Behind Common Sayings

Our language is evolving and new words (neologisms) are being added to the dictionary in greater numbers than ever before, and yet we continue to use sayings from long ago–their original meanings lost in the annals of history.

Here’s a few common sayings we still use today. 

Don’t kick a man when he’s down:
  • In 555 AD, a disgraced general named Belisarius was stripped of his rank, command,  and wealth on charges of crimes against Rome. If that wasn’t  bad enough ol’ Belisarius became blind and began begging. In those days, people gave beggars a swift kick when they passed—to which the once esteemed leader would reply, “Don’t kick a man when he’s down.” His frequent retort—all the more impressive when his identity was revealed—quickly spread throughout the empire. No doubt he earned more money this way, too.
damnDon’t give a damn:                                                             No, this phrase was not coined by Rhett Butler but has ancient origins. The damn is a Hindu coin that had a tendency to vary in value. When it plummeted, the Brits—who occupied India at the time—took to describing something of little worth this way.
It’s raining cats and dogs:
  • This comes from the Norse god Odin whose dog took the form of wind.  (My dog only passes wind). When Odin’s dog ( the wind) chased a cat (rain) ancient Celtic people said Odin was dropping cats and dogs from the sky.
  • Another possibility: During the Middle Ages roofs were made of straw. Dogs (used for hunting and protection) and cats ( to keep the mice population at bay) found warmth on the rooftops. A few good rainstorms—and bam! The straw was soaked through and cats and dogs were raining down.
Dog days of summer:
  • In Roman times, Sirius—the dog star—is brightest from the beginning of July until mid August AND rises with the sun!  The hot months, therefore, were attributed to the star’s brightness.
oracleLeave no stone unturned:                                                      If you were an ancient Greek and wanted an answer to an important question, you paid a visit to the Oracle at Delphi—a hotline to the gods.  One fine day, Euripides asked the Oracle where to find the treasure left by a certain general-on-the-run. The Oracle’s advice to the treasure-seeking Euripides was “to leave no stone unturned.”
Won’t hold water:
  • Those wacky Romans! They expected their Vestal virgins to remain virginal. One day, Tutia—one of the original Vestals—was accused of…well, you know. To prove her virginity, Pontifex Maximus insisted she carry a sieve ( a strainer with holes) of water from the Tiber river to the Temple. If the water escaped she would have to face a nasty punishment—being buried alive. Tutia passed the test. Whew!
african-lion-male_436_600x450The Lion’s share:                                                               This phrase comes from Aesop’s fables. Seems the lion and a bunch of his animal BFFs went hunting one fine day. When it came to share the booty, the lion, as king of the beasts, claimed the 1st, the 2nd, and 3rd parts for himself. Then the clever lion declared that anyone who wanted to dispute him for the 4th part  was  welcome to it. Nobody volunteered. Who wants to fight a lion?
 Piping hot
  • This descriptor has its roots in the bakery biz. In times of yore, the village baker blew a pipe announcing that fresh bread had just been pulled from the oven. The villagers, upon hearing the loud nose, came a runnin’ to buy the fresh loaves.
Make no bones about it
  • We’re used to having our chicken and fish de-boned, but years ago diners had to be very careful when they ate. If the hungry person de-boned their meal carefully they could dig into the pile of protein with gusto–with nary a worry about choking on a bone.
Down in the dumps
  • This history behind this saying is just too circumspect to be true. Seems an ancient Egyptian pharaoh named Dumpos died from depression. Anyone who suffered from the king’s ailments was said to have come down with Dumpos’ disease.
Hit a snag
  • A lumberjack’s term, this phrase meant the logs floating down the river were being held up by a  tree trunk (snag) stuck into the river.
panningSee how it pans out
  • From the gold-panning days of yesteryear, this expression was coined by those who hoped  gold flakes would be revealed after they shook the sand from the pan.

sailKnow the ropes
  • If a seaman didn’t the know the difference between the various ropes and rigging of a sailboat or how to handle them, he would be assigned to menial tasks. So if a sailor wanted to a better position he had to “know the ropes.”
  • Ragemane rolle is a scroll used in a medieval game of chance.
Called on the carpet:
  • When railroad was king, the big railroad bosses had elegant and luxurious  offices–you know, the kind with carpet! When a misbehaving employee did something bad, the Big Boss summoned them to their carpeted office for a scolding.
 What weird and wonderful sayings will our great great grandchildren use in a few hundred years?


Related Posts:History Of Common Sayings 2 Stupid Sayings; Vatican Vocab; Vatican Vocab 2


Stupid Sayings

wisdomeSome aphorisms are spot on! Others are just plain stupid, ridiculous because they are so clearly false and illogical!

Hubby likes to spout trite sayings every now and again. I usually reply with a theatrical groan before pointing out why the saying is stupid. I think he just enjoys watching me throw a hissy fit!

Hubby’s 4 favorite sayings:

1. A body at rest, stays at rest: A body in motion, stays in motion. ( I don’t think this is an actual saying but he insists it is)
  • As any mom knows, it’s UNTRUE!  Sleeping babies wake up screaming, small toddlers run circles until collapsing with exhaustion.  I think it provides Hubby  an excuse not to move after he plants (notice the verb here) himself in front of the TV after dinner.
 2. Once you’re late five minutes, you might as well be late an hour.
  • This one gets him in the most hot water. I think he made up his own maxim. However, next time I take too long getting dressed I’ll use it on him. (payback’s a bitch)
 goat_1  3. If you ain’t cheating you’re not trying.                        Where this came from, I have no idea—except you can bet your life the person was a cheater who is either a politician or a press agent. Hubby says this just to get my goat. Not  appropriate to repeat to a teacher!
07.2004.pistons.billups 4. Luck beats skill every time. This saying is stupid only in the sense that life can be unfair.
  •  Hubby coached youth baseball and soccer for many years so he’s a firm believer in this truism. And it goes without saying ( which is stupid, because I just said it), that no matter what sport or business you’re in, when it come right down to it, everyone needs luck on their side.
  • Note: Luck is the residue of design (by Branch Rickey) is always my snappy comeback!

Other idiotic idioms !

1. It’s either sink or swim.
  • There’s another option, you know. It’s called floating—and that’s what we (or our projects) have to do sometimes.
2. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery 
  • See “if you ain’t cheating” above. This aphorism was either first spoken by a lazy, unoriginal imitator or a person who never had his idea/concept/look ripped off by a pretender.
  • In education we have another name for it: plagiarism.
3. More than you can shake a stick at.
  • “More” what ? Who/what/why are you shaking a stick? Is it a magic stick? is it voodoo? Is it a symbolic stick?
4. Live each day as if it’s your last ( YOLO = you only live once)
  • If this were my last day I would: eat chocolate, ice cream, cupcakes, and french fries;  ditch the job; spend all my money; stop editing my novel; not sleep. Oh yeah! A great and productive way to live your life!
5. Cat got your tongue? 
  • OK, maybe if the feisty feline is Grumpy Cat, this saying might have some merit, otherwise how does an animal with paws grasp your tongue?
6. Shit-eating grin.
  • This isn’t a saying but rather a common descriptor that’s just gross! Who would be grinning if they ate shit?

Related Posts:  History Behind Common SayingsRules for a Good Life; More Rules for a Good Life; Sarcastic Signs


On-line Job Applications

Can a computer program determine if you’re a good candidate for a job?

targetI’m not so sure about that. My son has had to fill out many on-line job applications this past year and he has yet to receive one bite.

I understand the rationale. Companies have to vet all the job-seeking candidates, and the on-line application is an efficient, unbiased, time-saving way to do it. Still…

Nothing compares to meeting a prospective employee in person. Our brain is able to do what a computer cannot–make split second judgments. Evaluations based not on how well a person responded to 100 repetitive questions on a multiple answer form, but with regards to body language, appearance, demeanor, and speech.

Multiple choice questions! Puuullleeease!  Hey Big Corporations, how can you possibly assess someone’s ability to think analytically, creatively,and quickly with a multiple choice questionnaire! Yes, I understand some jobs require mindless drones, but a customer service provider is a true boon to your business when they take initiative and respond to customers with grace, creativity,and intelligence.

And that is not possible to assess with an on-line app!

car5tsHow many of us have had frustrating experiences dealing with employees who can only repeat platitudes and/or are brain-dead? (see Zombie post)

I realize it reduces productivity hours when mangers review multiple applications, but I find the on-line applications repetitive, vague, and very disconcerting.

While peering over my son’s shoulder as he  applied for several jobs, I was amazed by the ridiculousness of the questions. The applications require that you lie!

Many years ago when I worked for Giant Corporation, my manager asked us to try out the new employee computer application. It was designed to assess morals, values, and trustworthiness. After assuring us we would NOT be fired if we failed, we each took the test. It was not unlike my son’s on-line applications.

Care to guess how I did?

That’s right!  I FAILED!  The test determined I was not an honest person based on my answers. The office thief-gossip-drama queen-liar, however, passed with flying colors! Why?  Cuz she LIED!

I still remember one of the questions.

1)  People in government tell the truth
A) 100% of the time      B) 80% of the time    C) 50 % of the time      D) 20% of the time.

I chose D.

Am I right? 

Evidently because I do not have blind faith in people, I am deemed trustworthy.

wisdomeMmmmm. And I thought understanding human nature meant you were wise!

Have you ever filled out a on-line job app and received an interview?

Related posts: What Would George Washington do?; How to tell if someone’s lying

Experienced Mom lesson #1

Baby. Toddler. Pre-schooler. Elementary  Pre-teen. Teen. Adult. Older Adult.
Ah, those were the days! Mom-solvable problems.

Ah, those were the days! Mom-solvable problems.

It doesn’t matter their age, each stage comes with its own set of unique problems, frustrations, and joys.

Last week during lunch break, a fellow teacher asked, “When does raising kids get easier?”

I had a choice. Lie. Or set her straight. A lie would make her feel better. The cold hard truth would be most upsetting.

I felt like a little drama that day.

“It doesn’t! It gets worse!” I had a big smile plastered on my face–part sympathy, part pity, part smug know-it-all.

“Worse? How can that be? I’ve been up all night with a sick kid, changing diapers, and cleaning vomit from the bedding and carpet!”

My grandfather used to say this: Little children, little problems. Big children, big problems.

I & AI didn’t know what he meant back then, but I do now. First hand experience! It’s a doozy!

(And when I call my mom to b**** about something, I remember that her kid problems haven’t ended either. My pain is her pain.)

Mom has her own saying: A mother is only as happy as her most miserable child.

Depressing, isn’t it?  But I didn’t go into that during our lunch hour– I mean, the woman had to teach for three more hours–so I couldn’t totally crush her spirit.

So instead, I gave her Experienced Mom lesson #1.

“It gets more difficult. The problems  and worries and aggravations change. There will be be boo-boos you can’t kiss to make feel better.Homework you aren’t able to help them with. Friends who are unknown to you. Failures you must let them experience on their own.

And sleeping through the night? Talk to any parent of a teenager and ask them how well they sleep knowing their teenager is driving a metallic death machine. Teen problems are extra angst-filled because there’s precious little a parent can do to change their child’s behavior. Time Outs don’t work. Teens like them! Cuz they don’t like us much anyway during those years. (And that’s putting it mildly.)

  • Teens are Masters of Hyperbole: “Everyone is going to the dance.” “The teacher hates me.” “I’ll die without my phone.”
  • Experts at Subterfuge. Classy to trashy attire switcheroos at a friend’s house. Secret trips to get a belly button piercing.
  • Excellent Liars: “I don’t have any homework.” “I was only holding the joint for a friend.” “Sex? No way.” “I swear I turned the essay in.” “Yes, I am enrolled full-time.” “They haven’t posted the grades yet.”
  • Specialists at Passive/Aggressive behavior: For example, there is no way a parent can make a child do homework or pay attention in class.

samYou don’t stop being a parent when your child is an adult either. There are still late night  interruptions and last minute surprises. Plans cut short because some kid needs you NOW.

No, rearing children doesn’t get any easier. Sorry.”

“But…but… something…something must get better…Something?”  my friend asked, horrified by my words.

“The frustrations get worse. But the joys become greater. That’s the good part.”

There’s a reason why parents cry at their children’s graduation, wedding, or birth of the first grandchild. There’s a lifetime of memories attached to those tears.

Bad. Sad. Good. Happy.

“I wouldn’t trade all those memories for anything!”


Juror #1000

images (1)Summoned to jury duty the other day with about 60 other civic minded citizens.
Made it all the way to the courtroom where I learned the case would take 3 weeks!
3 weeks?

I was hoping for a quickie! A week would be fine. Fodder for future blogs. A chance to observe the case through a fiction writer’s lens.

But 3 weeks???

I have a job! A job that requires my being present.
Much as I would enjoy hearing an interesting case, I’m pretty certain that unless Cousin Vinny was one of the attorneys I would probably make a bad juror.


Here’s why:
  • I tend to roll my eyes
  • I’ve been told I’m an elitist 
  • I get bored easily
  • I’m impatient
  • I “get it” the first time
  • I see through manipulative rhetoric or gratuitous pandering
  • I have a low tolerance for mindless stupidity
  • I would probably browbeat the other jurors 
  • My vivid imagination would have me inventing all manner of wild scenarios concerning said crime
  • I’m too antsy to sit in a chair all day (unless I’m writing)
  • Frequent trips to the bathroom
  • need to sip Starbucks mocha in order to cogitate (see above)
  • loud stomach grumbling would distract attorneys and witnesses
  • I might judge people on their choice of footwear
  • My existentialistic leanings might leak out
  • cellphone withdrawals may disturb other jurors
All joking aside, I was let go. Probably a good thing!

Here’s the trailer from 12 Angry Men. Notice they’re all donning a shirt and tie–which I didn’t see any of the prospective jurors wearing. I wonder the outcome if the movie/play had been titled 12 Pissed Off Women?


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Diet Diatribe

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Eat This, Not That!
Work it out! Lose the fat!
Cabbage for seven days
Slimfast shakes were once the craze
eat for your blood type, eat until you’re full
all these diets are just a load of bull!


Skinny girl diet, nibble and pick
what women won’t do to resemble a stick!
B-shots and books and advice and pills,
aren’t we tired yet of the diet mill?
Thighmaster, treadmills, body vibration machine
just so we can fit into some skinny a** jeans!
Calorie counting, sugar-be-gone
sweetening substitutes are also proved wrong.


Veggies and fruit and nuts and legumes
pasta and protein, I think we’re all doomed!
Just imagine, if you will, a day where we might
eat ANYTHING, ANYTHING and it would be alright!
What if I ate exactly what I craved?
would I soon become diet depraved?


Most  paintings of normal-shaped women are nude!

Most paintings of normal-shaped women are nude!

French fries and cheesepuffs and burgers galore
milkshakes, mac ‘n cheese, fried chicken and more!
How fast would those pounds materialize?
Would I blimp up before my very eyes?
Not worth the risk
cuz it’s too hard to fix.
So I’ll keep on trying
with my everlasting dieting.


Related Posts: Treadmill Lament; Calorie Count on Menus; Ice Cream verse;


Big Game Apathy

Not watching the Big Game
not gorging on chips
have no favorite to claim
don’t know a fumble from a clip.


Didn’t put money on squares
didn’t join a pool
can’t tell a Seahawk from a Bronco
don’t know any NFL rules.


Not gonna devour a bowl of chili
nor drink me bottles of Coors
not gonna get drunk and silly
just gonna finish some chores.


Have no desire to stare at the flat screen
shouting at players and referees
or to  leap from the sofa actin’ steamed
cuz some player went down on his knees.


Maybe one day,
I’ll join the football fray
but unless your team’s winning
you just ain’t really grinning.


A few funny million dollar ads
promoting products good or bad.
and halftime shows
that can really blow.


Football! Football! Football!
I think I’ll pass this year
cuz from far away I’ll hear the call
of that touchdown cheer!


So before Hubby goes to his big Superbowl bash
I tell him I hope he’ll finally win some sweet Superbowl cash!

Related links: Bad Poetry

Click  Amazon link for novels.

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Signs You’re an Empath

Are you an empath?

You are an empath if you have highly developed intuitive senses or sensory perceptions.

The Mirriam Webster dictionary  defines empathy as “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts and experiences of another of either the past or present without having the feeling, thoughts and experiences fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

 Did that definition help? No?

In reader friendly terms: Empathy is feeling the emotions of others

All humans possess empathic characteristics to a certain extent–we can “catch” a sneeze from someone else, or laugh/cry when we see others doing the same.

“Don’t cry! I’ll start crying too.” A phrase used by many women–whether they have extreme empathic traits or not.

We all put on our game face-especially in public, but an empath actually feels what another is really feeling.

Indicators you’re an empath:

  • Do you get instant feelings  about someone and intuit their true mood?
  • Do you instinctively know if someone is lying and the emotion behind the lie ( malice, guilt, courtesy)?
  • Do you cry or laugh or sneeze or feel pain when you are in close proximity to another who is experiencing those emotions/symtoms? For example: Will your own knee hurt when speaking to someone who is recovering from knee surgery?
  • Do certain noises drive you crazy? ( besides a screaming baby on an airplane)
  • Does a particular scent cause you to cry or laugh for no apparent reason?
  • Can you discern the prevailing emotion in a meeting?
  • Can you discern the emotional atmosphere in an empty room? ( leftover or residual emotional energy)
  • Can you determine if a person has high or low energy upon first meeting them?
  • Do parties leave you drained or overwhelmed?
  • Do people seek you out to dump on you emotionally?
  • Does watching some horror or tragedy on TV or movies leave you upset for hours!
  • Do you feel compelled or obligated to help people in pain?
  • Are you able to heal people through word or touch?

Most people possess empathy–it’s what makes us human.

Advertisers know this and  use our capacity to feel another’s emotions to drive sales ( think about all those sad puppy commercials).

Many websites are devoted to Empaths and the “problems” that come with being an emotional sponge. Wish I had time to review them all for you!

Related Posts: Engaging Enigmas
Click  Amazon link for novels.

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Salt Lake City Ghost Story

securedownloadThis past weekend, I turned some friends on to the iPhone Ghost app. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a free app that reads some kind of ghostly frequency. Red, blue, yellow,and green dots on a screen show if a spirit is present. If the ghost is communicating, words appear on the screen.

I TOLD my friends it was really spooky. I WARNED them! Well, the next day they were totally freaked about words that appeared on the screen and how those words directly related to her deceased mother.

But sometimes you don’t need a Ghost Radar to know there’s a spectral presence near by!  This was the case at my brother’s house. A new job in another state and a crappy economy, had my brother moving into a rental while he decided what to do with his house.

It’s a very small, old, unassuming house in an older part of Salt Lake City. One story, 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, kitchen, dining room, living room, large basement, and large overgrown backyard.

My brother is the macho type; he owns guns, two champion hunting dogs, and isn’t afraid of anything! (He once had to deal with a charging elk, but that’s another story).

Right away,
  • he noticed that the house was always cold. He assumed it was poor insulation.
  • both dogs would stare unmoving at some fixed point in the room
  • both dogs became spooked or agitated for no reason
  • there were ice cold pockets in the house
  • he felt like he was being watched.
  • he felt as though someone was sitting next to him on the sofa
  • the house felt malevolent

Spooky, huh?

So, he wasn’t surprised to learn that the former owner had been  violently murdered in her home. Newspaper articles confirmed what his coworkers told him when he shared the address of his new home.
A few months later, I came out to SLC for a visit.

“Hey sis, come check out my house. You get strange feelings all the time, tell me what you think.”
“OK, cool, we can try out my new ghost app.”

Enter Sis. The house was cold–and it was 90 degrees outside ( there’s no AC)

I walked through the living room-seemed OK–entered the dining room–nothing scary here–turned the corner and entered the 2nd bedroom–and BAM that’s when I felt it!
Ice cold shivers. Pins and needles. My entire body felt soooo bizarre.  I’ve never experienced anything like it. “She’s here.”
“Yep, she likes to hang out there. Turn on the ghost radar.” Brother points to my phone.

I’m thinking, NOT!

But I did anyway.
“How long does it take to work?” he asks, hovering over the phone.
The red dot appeared instantly and then–silly me–I began to talk to the spirit. No, I am NOT a medium.
I walked out of the cold spot and back into the dining room.
The specter said ( via ghost radar), “hole.”
I glanced up at my brother whose mouth hung open in shock.
“What is it?” There didn’t seem to be any holes in the dining room.
“You’re standing directly over a large hole in the basement that used to be an old sewage drain.”

Oh, crap! (excuse the pun)

Finally, I told the spirit to “go to the light” (Stupid, I know, but what does one say to a ghost?) The spirit replied she was angry.

OK…Time to go!

I turned that ghost app OFF and hightailed it out of the house.

Tomorrow’s blog…mom, brother, and sis attempt to get rid of the ghost.