Wanted: Food Fairy

No joke! My daughter sent this text early in the  morning--she had no idea what today's post is about!

No joke! My daughter sent this text early in the morning–she had no idea what today’s post is about!

“Send somebody else to the grocery store!” my daughter suggests after I complain about my almost daily trips to the market–for food I don’t eat.

Seems every one in the house has 1) a car and 2) an appetite, 3) two hands, 4) 2 feet, 5) a brain, but everyone  expects  the fridge and pantry to magically fill itself–as if there’s some kind of Food Fairy.

I‘ve tried sending kiddos and Hubby to the grocery store–even gave them my pack of super saver cards and the magic plastic money card, but it never works out well.

I guess after all these years, I’m just tired of figuring out what everybody wants to eat. Oh, the basics are easy. Cheddar goldfish for daughter, cans of chili for son, but those won’t actually feed a family for a week.

Seems there’s several types of grocery items:
1.specific ingredients for meals
2. snacks
3. non food items

Once in a while, I tell kiddos and Hubby to “get food.”  I know, I know…vague.  I don’t even give them a list I just say, “figure it out.”  I mean  it’s not like they have to go into the forest to forage for berries or hunt for meat, so I don’t understand the groans.

“But what should I get?”  they ask, befuddled by my request.

I mean, they’ve only eaten like….everyday of their life!  “I don’t know.You decide.”  This grocery shopping will require higher level  thinking on their part, something they only do at work or school.

“Mom’s in one of her moods,” they mumble under their breath as they trudge out of the house.

  • Hubby’s haul:  meat, meat, meat, lettuce,and more meat
  • Daughter’s finds: make-up remover, mascara, Cheddar goldfish, candy, pretzels, face wash, ice cream, soy milk, Nutella
  • Son’s spoils: chocolate donuts, hot pockets, chips, cans of chili, frozen taquitos, razors
  • Grandmom’s loot (when she visits): triple cream brie, smoked salmon, capers, olives, vodka, diet club soda, gourmet crackers, wine ( actually she’s great at getting  the ingredients for an entire meal)

Several food groups are missing. Vegetables being the biggie.

Maybe they need more practice.

I might post this ad on Craig’s List, because you can get ANYTHING on that website.

WANTED: Food Fairy for hungry, snack-happy, unpredictable, impulsive, capricious  family who has many dietary needs.

 Food Fairy duties:
  • predicts what everyone will crave for the next 5 days
  • knows what food I’m running low on and which vegetables are rotting in the veggie bin
  • anticipates what I will have time or motivation to prepare
  • puts all the groceries away where they belong
  • throws out unidentifiable leftovers and wilted veggies

I can dream can’t I?

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