Tag Archives: silly poems

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

 christmas tree decorationsHubby’s family has a traditional midnight Christmas Eve celebration: Five hundred relatives ( OK, maybe I’m exaggerating just a little bit ), food-food-food, gifts for everyone, and gift exchange at midnight. So in honor of his family tradidion, I thought I would re-write


 ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (at our house)


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through our halls
Every occupant was busy texting, snap-chatting & making calls.
The stockings were lopsided and empty still
In hopes that Mom with goodies would fill.


The teenagers were nestled all snug with their phones
With visions of iPads, cash, and unlimited roam            
And mom in her yoga pants, and dad hungry to be fed
Had barely settled down for a long night ahead.


 When from the living room there arose such a clatter,
That everyone hollered from upstairs, “hey, what’s the matter?”
Away from the home office, ol’ Hubby did dash
Tore open the car door and stepped on the gas.


The streetlight on the asphalt of the dark cul-de-sac
Gave a luster of brightness to the car’s luggage rack.
Well, what did my questioning mind did I realize
But Hubby forgot a few gifts he just had to buy.


He’s a fast ol’ driver, still lively and quick
I knew in a moment he was playing old St. Nick.
More rapid than teens who vanish at the word “chore”
Hubby came back home and walked through the door.


Now  iTunes! Now Amazon! Now Best Buy! and Macys
 I have gift cards for anyone—see I’m not crazy!
Now let’s pack all the gifts into the car, no time to stall
It’s time for my family’s Midnight Christmas Eve celebration for all.

merry christmas


Closet Craziness

My Closet! Or—Why I Never Find Anything to Wear!

Closet closet in my room
In the darkness my clothes do loom
Rumpled, smooshed, wrinkled, or pressed
Doesn’t matter—it  makes me depressed.


Skirt too big, slacks don’t fit
Is it any wonder I throw a fit?
Neckline too high, I’ll look like a nun
Or plunging too low, I ain’t that much fun!
This t-shirt is short, that one’s too long
All these tops are wrong, wrong, wrong.


The sweater is bulky, the wool is itchy
The other’s clingy, no doubt why I’m so b****y
These jeans are baggy, those pants stretch out
Is it any wonder, a gal stresses out?
This skirt’s a bit short—I’ll need some tights
Maybe then, it might look alright.


What was I thinking when I bought this blouse?
It will never, ever make it out of the house.


Too see through, too trashy, too black, too red
Maybe I’ll just go back to bed.
Hideous stripes, tacky print
This might work—but it’s covered in lint.


I know! I know what I must do.
I must purge before I replace with new.


THIS time, I’ll organize by color and style
Then maybe, I wouldn’t get so darn riled.


But I just hate to toss the too tight clothes
Because every girl knows
That next month—for sure—I’ll  go to the gym
Then everything—almost everything—will fit once again.


Give it up! Throw it out! Give it away!
That’s what well-meaning friends and my husband say.
I’m not brave, not that bold,
So I remove a few items and begin to fold.


These clothes shall go into a plastic box
and there remain, my own fabric Fort Knox.


Related Links: Pantry pandemoniumIce cream verse ; Diet Diatribe ; Big Game Apathy ; Treadmill Lament ; Refrigerator Blues ; Ode to Stilettos ; Prom dress poem ;Drawer of Misfit Cosmetics

so many clothes, and nothin’ to wear






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