Pharmaceutical companies spend bazillions of dollars researching, experimenting, testing, and marketing drugs to cure all our ailments. Wouldn’t it be great if they made medications to cure some common writing woes?
Here’s a few suggestions.
1. Proseac: Calms the writer while creating word magic. Outside distractions and inner demons are kept at bay, allowing the writer to craft better prose.
2. Adverbaicillin: Treats rampant infection of adverb use in manuscript.
3. Nextchaptium: Treats symptoms of hook-y chapter endings brought on by persistent agent burns.
4. Twittermax: Increases tweeting speed and improves 140-character witticisms.
5. Blogadryl: Provides relief from blogging while still attempting to make progress on your manuscript. Calms the annoying I-have-no-new-material itch.
6. Ibproofreadin: Reduces inflammation of irritation brought on by: removing or adding comas: misspelled and misused words; and repetitive phrases.
7. Verbagra: Cures dysfunctional verbs. When used properly, verbs stand at attention while writing allowing you to write for many hours without verb loss. Warning: If you suffer from verb action for more than 4 hours please see your literati.
8. Flawase: Prevents back story congestion, runny prepositions, and sneezing unnecessary exposition into manuscript.
9. Moplotrin: Reduces worry and treats pain caused by inflamed expositions, plot aches, and climax pain.
10. Queryosec: Treats causes of Time-To-Send-Ms-To-Agent disease and other email conditions caused by excessive rewording of query. Promotes healing of painful summaries and first 10-pages.
11. Wordbutrin: Treats depression brought on by writer’s block. May reduce social media cravings and my-novel-sucks withdrawal symptoms.
12. Cianalysis: Treats inability to understand Amazon algorithms, as well as Twitter and Blog statistics. Best taken when any time the moment’s write, preferably in a bathtub.
13. Pitchobarbital: Relieves anxiety and controls nervous seizures while pitching at a conference. Can become habit-forming, especially if writer is a conference junkie.
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