Readophilia

Definition: Intense attraction to reading.

Condition is brought on with the protracted need—intellectual and physical—to ingest words, plots, and meaning.

Symptoms show a marked increase with the introduction of e-reader ownership and free downloads.

Symptoms include:

1. Staying up until 3 am to finish a book.

2. Thinking—albeit irrationally—that the story will finish without you if you stop reading.

3. Seriously considering taking a book to a family gathering.

4. Believing staycations ( a vacation where you stay home) includes reading books while sipping on your favorite beverage.

5. Arguing with non-reading friends who accuse you of reading to escape reality. Puleeze—you’re living many realities.

6. Becoming annoyed when an event—neighbors knocking, children crying, food burning, fire alarm ringing—causes you to stop mid-paragraph.

7. Stressing when someone asks “What’s your favorite genre?” That’s like asking to identify your favorite air molecule to breathe.

8. Weeping tears of joy upon purchase of first e-reader.

9. Knowing free books are Amazon’s equivalent to the biblical manna from heaven.

10. Judging people by the speed and accuracy by which they read a novel ( What do you mean you skimmed that part?)

11. Planning vacations to famous libraries.

12. Buying/downloading new book = happiness.

13. Hanging with non-readers is—wait, do you still have any non-reading friends?

14. Jumping out of your skin when someone taps you on the shoulder while reading.

15. Waiting in line is a joy—as long as you brought a book.

16. Realizing the real world goes away when you’re immersed in a novel.

17. Making excuses for your Readophilia ( I’m at the good part. Gotta find out if he dies. I learn stuff. The kids should learn how to do their own laundry. Learn how to cook. I need me-time. I’m in a book club)

18. Denying that Readophilia comes with a price. Increased knowledge, pondering, and imagination. Increased time management skills—to fit in more reading. Increased reading speed. Increased ability to discuss a myriad of topics. Increased attention levels. Increased ability to amuse yourself for extended hours.